I don’t know how it is for a man to be in love as I have always failed to understand their emotional side because they have failed us women in so many ways. So when it comes to you I really do not know what it is for you to be in love and how it is for you to love a woman. But today I can safely say how it is for a woman to love. I can safely say this to you because I trust you, trust you completely and I know I would not end up making a mockery of myself as I had done before.
I am still struggling for words, you know to tell you how does it feel. I was going through the Chat history just like that and was witnessing how things took shape between you and me. But never in my wildest dreams did I ever realize that I would end up being so passionately in love with you. I always thought that love is an arrangement, people choose to be in love with a particular person rather than fall in love. (this comes from my blog if you would remember) even my previous relationship also was a choice that I made for myself misinterpreting sympathy as love. But now after knowing you I realize how it is to be in love and I thank you for making me realize this and making me feel ”new” again.
I am again making a choice of being in love. It is euphoric. We always repent for our past and we live for the future. Never in our lives have we lived for the present and treasured it. I want to make a choice of living in the present as long as it is possible for me. And my present is you. I want to live for you, live to love you. I love loving you. I love nurturing this relationship. I realize that it is a distance relationship and things may not look that hunky dory but I would still like to make an honest effort. I want to be your best friend and I want to be anyone who you want me to be. That is how I want to love you. I don’t pray for you because I know nothing bad can happen to you. I don’t expect any legitimate name to be given to this feeling or relationship because I know there is no name for this. I love you and that is all that matters to
me., spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally, in every possible way that you are comfortable in, I want to love you.May be nothing of this is making any sense to you at all, but may be when you reach the stage I am in. When you understand what it is simply to love someone unconditionally may be that day each word would make perfect sense to you.
I realize the constrains from your end and trust me I would never in my life create any trouble for you because I really like it when you smile from within. When you reciprocate in the same way as I do I really feel nice.
Last night I apologized, but my intentions were never to hurt you. Somehow I felt that may be I am making things difficult for you. May be you want to take a decision which you are not able to take because you are a sensitive person and usually would not hurt anyone . But I just want you to understand that all that matters to me is your happiness and no matter what it takes I just want you to be happy. So even if that means that we would be together may be for few more months like this I would still like to give it a shot because I do not want my present to be wasted thinking about the future. And whenever its time for you to leave you are free to go. However, I would always be there with you, for you by your side as a constant companion , whatever name you want to give at that time, that is up to you.Below is a small piece that I wrote to some of my female friends on a “woman’s love”
This is how it is for a woman in love.
“ I Would like to treasure, nourish and nurture”Want you to be content because I am selfish
I would take care of you even when I am the most helpless.Would love you even when you do not have any thing to give me ,Would ensure that your children do not starve even when you do not have anything to feed me.I would ensure that the life which is borne out of you in me is fed with my own blood because that is ours.Would respect you and stand by you even if you fail me, disappoint me once again, over and over again.
Well this is how it is for me to love you. Take care. And I shall not say anymore how much I love you, how much you matter, how much I value you, what are you to me and how much I miss you.