Pyaar ki Adjustment

Last evening Ulsoor lake jaake

 Pata chala, pyaar mei log kya kya karte hain

Sade hue Paani ki Tanki ke pass baithe

Jhoothe wade karte hai

Inse milie, ye hai Rajnigandha

Dosa IdIi khati hai

Aur nariyal tel se sehat banati hain

Aur ye hai, unka haath thaame hue

Ashwaak Mia

Biriyani khate hai Aur

Saans ki durgandh Orbit se chhipaate hai

Pyaar kya kya nahi karata

Airtel Hutch ka profit badata

Jab do premi sote jaagte ILU ILU karte hai

Sade paani ke tanki ke paas baithe Popkornk sane haatho se jhoothe wade karte hai

 MGRoad ki tang sadko pe

Jahan par rakhne ko jagah nahi

 Wahi pe ye log very smartly

 Hath pakad ke chalet hai

 CCD Barista mei khali baithe

Ek doosre ki aankho mei future dhoondte hai

 Software aur call centre se bore hokar

 Family planning option per google kia karte hai

 Bangalore ki traffic jams mein

 Bike ke peechhe baith kar

 Rajnigandha Kaske pakadti hai

 Ashwaak bhi diversions leta rehta hai

 Ek din inko inhi kinhi signal per

Inke uncle dekh lete hai

 Ghar jake seedha bachho pe nazar rakhne ki hidayat dete hai Pakdi gai chori to dono premi

 Maa baap ki khatir juda ho lete hain

 Kuch din ro lete hai

 Phir inhi software ki dukan mei

Ashwaak ko fir koi Pushpa Rani milti hai

 Aur Rajnigandha bhi calling karte hue

 Kisi Mutthhoo Swami ke sang ho leti hai

 Pyaar mein dono dating karne ka plan banate hai

 Purani Yaadein taza karne fir se Ulsoor lake ki aur chal dete hain

 Wahi tanki, wahi durgandh, wahi bheedbhaad yogalo ki

 Par pyaar ki khatir dono yahi per adjust kar lete hain.

Google for you

This post is dedicated to the most commonly used website, Google. Who would have come to our rescue had it not been for Google-the search engine? Google is the staple diet, the saviour, the god father, guardian for all internet users. Hail the makers of Google-Larry Page and Sergey Brin, the internet Gods for me. Some April Fool’s joke associated with Google 2000: Google MentalPlex Google announced a new “MentalPlex” search technology that supposedly read the user’s mind to determine what the user wanted to search for, thus eliminating the step of actually typing in the search query 2005: Google Gulp Google Gulp, a fictitious drink, was announced by Google in 2005. According to the company, this beverage would optimize one’s use of the Google search engine by increasing the drinker’s intelligence. It was claimed this boost was achieved through real-time analysis of the user’s DNA and carefully tailored adjustments to neurotransmitters in the brain (a patented technology termed Auto-Drink). The drink was said to come in “4 great flavors”: Glutamate Grape (glutamic acid), Sugar-Free Radical (free radicals), Beta Carroty (beta carotene), and Sero-Tonic Water (serotonin). This hoax was likely intended as a parody of Google’s invite-only email service called Gmail. Although ostensibly free, the company claimed the beverage could only be obtained by returning the cap of a Google Gulp bottle to a local grocery store: a catch-22. In the Google Gulp FAQ, Google replies to the observation “I mean, isn’t this whole invite-only thing kind of bogus?” by saying “Dude, it’s like you’ve never even heard of viral marketing.” 2006: Google Romance On April Fool’s Day 2006, Google Romance was announced on the main Google search page with the introduction, “Dating is a search problem. Solve it with Google Romance.” It pretends to offer a “Soulmate Search” to send users on a “Contextual Date”. A parody of online dating, it amusingly had a link for “those who generally favor the ‘throw enough stuff at the wall’ approach to online dating” to Post multiple profiles with a bulk upload file, you sleaze in addition to Post your Google Romance profile. Clicking on either of these gave an error page, which explained that it was an April Fool’s joke and included links to previous April Fool’s Jokes for nostalgia.

My Friends

 

When He sent me to my mothers lap

I grew up too fast to raise my hand

With which I held my dad’s fingers

His touch and his scent still lingers

With tiny hands and trying feet

I kept growing till the lap became too small

And the grip of his fingers too lose

I was sent to a world full of strangers

And mom dad called it a school

I grew up and fell in love

I failed and I fell

I got up but with bruises

A broken heart, a broken marriage,

A shattered motherhood

A dead ego and self doubt

I was covered with dust and no one knew it was me

In that strange world

I found a stranger

Who grew up with me, and,  

As a friend who was just known to me

20 years is a long time

To make a child a woman

And it took 20 years for God

To bring us close.

I found my lost friend

At the time of despair

She stood by my ordeal

My freedom and till I got back my zeal.

She became the reason

And the means

For me to connect with some wonderful people

People I never knew existed

People just like me

People with courage and fire in the belly

Who tell stories of determination

Stories of acceptance

Stories of non stop life after a disappointment.

Stories which Aneehsa Myles have

Of confidence and independence

Of giving un-conditionally

Stories of Hitesh-which re-confirms

The non-conformist’s idea of survival

Of rooted to the ground while gazing the stars

Stories of Chhota Amit

Of Aggression and Honesty

Of Initiative and being undisguised

Stories of so many

Ordinary, extra-ordinary

Names of people, who matter

And of those who do not.

Stories of Abhishek

In whom I found a caring

Younger brother

Stories of Ramit, who I always consulted

Stories of people who live a weird life

I am at a loss of words

Because I can not thank God enough

To have given a chance to re-live

Life with hope and smile

To stand up for myself with respect and pride

And in the process meeting interesting lives

 For the ability to love everyone and for His generosity

For being loved in return by all of you

My friends when we care

My foes when we fight

My inspiration sometimes

My chance to be surprised

For the lessons learned and for

The lessons un-learned

For the disappointments forgotten

And for the memories and stories

Which I would share with my and your

Grand children J

It is not a thank you note

It is just a way of saying

You all matter

Transliteration

People who are  from
Delhi would surely must have heard of the restaurant at India Habitat Centre, by the name of “Eatopia”. It most probably has been taken from the word “Euphoria”. At least that is what most of us would think. But we must never forget that the world is not just full of mediocre people. There live geniuses also and with the originality of their thinking they may come out with so many explanations for this word “Eatopia”.  First one being “Eat” and “Pia” means eat and drink. (“Pia” is the Hindi for drink). Listen to the 2nd one, this is all the more interesting, “Eatiopia”, probably food inspired by Ethiopian cuisine.  Now comes the googly, Eat-o-Pia, which literally means Eat-O-Darling. Well, now you must be thinking, who this genius could be? Well, this is none other than Sanju (my closest buddy’s) mom.
 

There are many incidents, where people tend to do literal translations from their mother tongue to say Hindi or English. Since I am a Bengali, I have seen many Bengalis doing this quite often, I am sure this happens with people of different origin also. Like for example, in summers, the quick bath that we take in the evening is called “Ga Dhova” in Bangla. Which in English means, washing yourself if we do a word to word translation.  So here was my friend’s 50 year old mom taking quick bath when her neighbor came in looking for her and was told by an aunt of that friend, “ Wo to Badan Dho rahi hai”. What happened after that, I really do not know but I am sure that neighbor must not have come asking for my friend’s mom for few days. I mean, what the heck, “Badan Dho Rahi Hai!!!”  

There was another incident where my friend’s uncle, again a poor soul from Kolkata with very poor knowledge of Hindi, was walking on a rainy day on a Delhi road when he saw this young girl, all drenched in the rain. Out of concern, he said something which left the girl flabbergasted and she thankfully did not slap this uncle back, may be keeping in mind his age. And you know, what did he say? He said, aja meri chhaati mein aja” which in Bangla would have sounded like, Esho amar chhatai chole esho” or, in simple English, come under the umbrella. 

Now that I am in the silicon valley of
India, here also people love speaking in Kinglish. Which is nothing but mix of Kanada and English. Now there was this sales man sitting in my office on a pleasant day and wanted to say, open your eyes wide to see the view outside, its so pleasant. But he ended up saying, “takeout your eyes and see” . Someone please tell me, how do I see with my eyes out in my hand?” Well, I guess he also was doing the same, translating word to word from his mother tongue to English.
 

One incident, from my school. This was a blunder done by an English teacher. Who just matter of factly said, “All girls head down, open the window let the atmosphere come inside. The principal just passed away.” What had actually happened was, we just finished writing our test papers and as usual were making a lot of noise. She wanted us to keep quiet with heads on the table because the principal was passing by and since it was winters she also wanted the windows to be open for some sunlight. 

When I was small as in a Teenager, there was this guy, who badly wanted to try his luck on me and ended up saying, “So beauty, so beauty” (arrghh!!) 

My dad again is an example of pure Hindi. He again is a Delhite, born and raised in the capital. And I seriously do not understand why does he use certain words in Hindi which anyone would understand even if spoken in English. Words like maths, copy, English etc. He would say ganit, pustika, angrezi, kaapi etc. These words he would use with kids who are from vernacular school and his reasoning is, since they study in Hindi so they would not know that science is vigyaan, maths is ganit. I find it very ridiculous. Even when he would go to the Golgappe wala, he would say, “Tikia dedo” instead of simple Tikki dedo” why? Because in each plate there are 2 Tikki so the plural of Tikki is Tikia. Hence, Tikia dedo. 

My dad again is one of a kind, he loves chaat, papri, pakori with sour chutney and then would eat shilajit because he read somewhere sour food effects a man’s manhood. (Give me a break) And to top it all he hid the shilajit which I found out because I am in a habit of spying my dad’s things out of affection and also out of curiosity. There is a wooden chest also which is locked and does not have keys and he just would not let anyone open it. I have decided I would surely open it one day, no matter what, just to find out what is there inside the “Pandora’s Box” 

Now, here in
Bangalore, the accented English makes it sound so funny. I was here in this so called happening Pub called “Purple Haze” with a  friend and the waiter comes and asks, “two-aa” Oh, before, I forget, in case you happen to come down here in Bangalore, don’t forget to add an extra “A” after each word that you say, that is the style-aa…..go leftaa, rightaa, eat burgeraa, movieaaa, McDonaldsaaa….aaa….aaa…aa
 

And in Kolkata just make sure you say all the “w” and “v” sounding words as “bh” like Bhobhon for bhaWan.  Bhalue for Value, Bhater for Water…Bhine for wineThis is the best, “Pleej sarbh me a ge-laash opf bhite bhine” which is nothing but, “Please serve me a glass of white wine”. 

There is this co-worker of mine, who is from Tamil Nadu. Very smartly one day I heard him saying to another colleague who is from
Delhi, “ Tera laundia kaisi hai?” Later on I had to tell him that “laundia” is a very slang word.
 

My late grandpa, well, had he been alive he would have been the winner of this game. Firstly he had a typical Bengali accent, plus he was very fond of talking in Hindi, He loved reading Hindi newspapers and guess what, he was almost on the verge of becoming deaf. The hearing aid that he wore had already committed suicide as it gave up hope of giving any sense of hearing to my dadu. Dadu most of the time did not even wear it. Once, someone called on our landline, now he could not hear a single word of what the other person was saying. So he point blank said, (and you would have to read it in heavy bangla accent) “Ushka maa bhi nahi hai, ushka baap bhi nahi hai, gopi ishkool
gaya hai, mai ghaar pe okela hu”. I am sure this must have scared the shit out of the caller  because my dadu would always scream instead of talking thinking that the other person also can not hear him. We always had to talk to him along with hand gestures which would have given any man the idea as if we were all theatre actors. In fact, I got so used to using hand gestures while talking that I was once asked if I was a classical dancer.  This exercise has actually has helped me a lot. Now, I can communicate with people of any place.
 

I remember when I had gone to Chennai with Dad and he was not able to understand a single word these people were saying and I was helping him with the communication which I could pick up from there hand gestures and movements.  

All said and done, communication, observing people are a great learning opportunities. All the more fun if people of different communities speak in different languages. Even if that meant singing Hindi songs and filling up for the words that you don’t understand or have forgotten, like I used to do as a child. “Pyaar mujhe tum karti ho, Don’t say no” remember this song from Ghayal. Well, I used to sing, Pyaar mujhe tum karti ho, zoom say no” . Why? Because I never understood what was the singer singing.  Another close call, from a Sanjay Dutt Madhuri movie, “mai premi aha tu Premi aha, phir kya daddy kya amma……..well, my version was…mai premi..aha..tu premi..aha…phir kya…tadi…kya…tanna…….(same reason:- I just did not know what was it). Language and communication is fun. And after having read this do take your Pia to Eat-O-Pia for some Eatiopian food and do eat and pia. 

 

 

 

Something I wrote on Valentine

Love like happiness,  is a state of mind. It is when our mothers cook us hot dinner even when she is down with Flu. It is when our fathers hold our hand and our school bags and drop us to school on a rainy day missing his important appointment. It is when your best friend pretends to forget your birthday and arranges the best birthday party for you. It is when your brother buys you a rakhi gift with his meagre pocket money and when your lil sister becomes partners in crime in stealing biscuits from the cookie jar tucked carefully in a corner for the guests. Love is when your husband goes through all your tantrums and still does not mind going through another round of it. It is when your wife, sips the hot coffee to taste the sugar so that she could give you the perfect cup of it when you come home tired.  Love is when your dog licks you all over even after you have not fed it for the whole day. Love is when your pet becomes a family member. Love is when your Granny oils your hair in the winter sun and love is when your Grandpa teaches you how to ride a cycle.

Love is just not about being in love. Its about caring, sincerely. And its also about letting the loved ones know that you are there for them, no matter what.

Gawd I talk too much

I think I talk too much that’s why even if I speak to you everyday I am still writing to you. But the funniest part is, till about 21 years of age I was a total introvert. I would just not speak and remain a silent spectator most of the time. And now, people get tired of my cont. talking and still there is so much to talk about. 

Talk about life in general, about general chitchats. It serves no purpose, come to think of it but you know it helps in keeping in touch and establishing connectivity.  

General chitchats over a cup of coffee, with friends…with a sleepy dog by your side, with a book carelessly lying by your side which you were reading before your friends barged in your home. And your mom also once in a while, coming out of the kitchen and catching up with you friends. A news channel running on mute in the background. And you can hear (and not listen) the soft sounds of traffic far away…children playing in the near by park and all these sounds are overpowered by your own laughter. You are laughing at a silly joke of your friend and you laugh so hard that your eyes start watering.  

Its late evening now, and all friends are sitting in the terrace, everyone is silent but everyone is talking to each other in that silence without uttering any word. The friendship has become so strong over the years that you need not speak with audible languages. Suddenly someone starts to sing and he keeps forgetting the words of the song, you realize it is one of you favorite songs and there are so many memories attached to this song. You also start singing along and the rest of the gang joins in. There is Abhishek (Imaginary name) who always moves around with a guitar, starts playing it, Priyankya (imaginary name) knows how to play a mouthorgan. You immediately rush to the old almirah where your dad’s old mouthorgan is kept which no one uses now but you still have kept it carefully tucked in the almirah because it is your dad’s. while you had gone down to get the mouthorgan you realize there are 2 friends following you and they are struggling with the music system which they plan to put in the terrace. One carries the system the other carries the speaker, and one of them is shouting and calling another friends name so that he would come down to get the extension cord. But everyone is lazing. No one wants to come down leaving the breezy terrace behind. So you know it is you who would have to get the extension cord also. While you are searching for it in a dusty corner there is a large big thump sound in the kitchen, it is Amit (imaginary name) who is a voracious eater and is also absent minded. Your friends are so familiar with you house that you need not even tell them which thing is kept where but since Amit is absent minded he just cant figure out where are the things kept. So you help him get the snacks and also make some tea for everyone.  

Finally the stage is set, with tea, breeze, snacks, partners in crime who you call friends, small potted plants around, and your stupid dog, who came to the terrace hearing all that noise. Everyone is sitting on a chatai, with tea cups which are all of diff shapes and sizes, and the craziest of them all starts to play dhinchak music and all of us scream , “NOOOOOOOOO”…..and you yell at him, “put the volume down. You would wake mom up, idiot”.  Then you sleet the music on popular demand. One by one, you play sufi, qawalli, country, techno, classical, semi classical, even bhajans. You also play and sing along classics from 40’s to 70’s of Hindi cinema.  

Seema and Prashant (who are now dating) get all senti and start dancing. Seeing them , Abhi (imaginary name) recites a very poor shairy that he read in a Blue Line bus. We all burst out in laughter. Then we get in the groove, we all turn by turn, start reciting our own creative writing, prose and poetry, which now is becoming serious. We now move to much serious writings of  the famous writers and poets known to us.  

Snigdha (Imaginary name) thought, the environment is getting all too serious, so she starts reciting a “Hasya Kavita” which as usual is silly but still people again burst out in laughter. Gradually, the laughter subsides and friends start chitchatting again., slowly falling off to sleep.  The cups are lying everywhere, with lil bit of tea left in them, the CD covers piling over each other. Your dog just peed in one of the potted plants which your dadu had planted. The red light is blinking indicating that the Music System is still on. You cant hear the children play anymore, the sound of the traffic is also very negligible. It is still breezy in the August night with full moon covered in urchin clouds. You also start to fall asleep as you focus on the face of this special friend who you have started liking a lot off late. 

 

I want to spend one evening just like this with friends and this is how I spent so many of my evenings in
Delhi. I so much feel like coming back.  Though, “kuchh paatra aur ghatnai kalpanic hai”
 

Thanks for reading. And Gawd, I talk sooo much..

Ghummakkad Gang Ki Holi

Holi ka Maza

Holi ke Pakwaan,

Gujia, Kachori aur Holi ke Gaan

Rang, Gulaal, Abeer laal

Bhang peeke chale hans ki chaal

Gubbare, Pichkari, Bachho ki phulwari,

ghar ka aangan ho ya phoolo ki kyaari

Dekho zara, chuke na nishsna

Holi hi sahi, hai achha bahana

jakdo, pakdo, lagao rang

reh jai dekh ke sab hi dang

na chale pata kaun hai kaun

kaun hai hero aur kaun hai Don

chhupa hua hai almari ke peeche

palang ke neeche, aankhe meeche

aaj koi bachne na pai

har koi rang mei ek ho jai

saat rang mil ke sada (white) ho jai

ek ho jai, jhagde bhulae

masti se jhoome, naache, gai

gale lagai, sab kuch bhulai

ek rang pyaar ka, ek rang dosti ka

ek rang “Ghummakad Gang” ke naam udai.