Indian Super Hero:- Buddhi Maan

 

 

 

I have thought of an Indian super hero and his name is “Buddhi-Maan”.  Unlike Superman, he wears underwear over his dhoti (just because he is an Indian Super Hero) and unlike Superman, who takes off his specs to appear in his costume, this super hero has, believe it or not, a “Bra”.

Whenever anybody is in trouble, the person screams, “Buddhi-Maan”, and Buddhi-Maan who otherwise appears as a normal human being, would hear this man’s call.

 So “Buddhi-Maan” gets up from his workstation (He works in a Cell Phone company and is an MBA which he did with the help of his divya shakti)…so I was saying, he gets up from his seat and goes to the loo, not to pee but to take out his “Magic Bra” from his pocket and the moment he wears it, Whoosh!!! He appears (in silhouette) wearing a dhoti with chaddi and a bra.

 This super hero, by the way, is married and leads a mundane life, simply to hide his true identity (his wife does not know that he is a Super Hero):-  He looks 30 something, sports a french beard, has a paunch, wears spectacles and roams with a laptop otherwise. The laptop is actually not a laptop but his secret “Bra Case”. He hides his bra in it.

“Buddhi-Maan’s” wife, would insist on using his laptop every now and then because she does not have one of her own but “Buddhi-Maan” is a smart man so every time he would make some lame excuse so that he does not have to give his laptop aka “Bra Case” to his wife. But his wife has better IQ and hence when “Buddhi-Maan” was busy acting like a normal man in the bathroom, relieving himself, his wife opens the “Lap-Top and … (melodrama)

Dhang!!! Dhang!!! Dhang!!!

“Balaji Tele Films”

 Next Episode to the 101st Episode:-

 “Buddhi-Maan’s” wife is shocked and heartbroken, “He has been cheating on me. He has been hiding this bra all this while in this fake laptop”.

 Meanwhile, “Buddhi-Maan” comes out of the bathroom but realizes that he would soon have to rush back to the loo again as he sees his open laptop and his “Magic Bra” held tightly by his wife, who is now furious and ready to explode any time.  Poor “Buddhi-Maan” is scared for life because while getting trained to be a “Super Hero” he was never told how to handle the melodrama’s of women.   His wife screams, “You have been cheating on me. Whose are these?” “Buddhi-Maan”, “Let me explain wife, these are mine. I … His wife interrupts, “Don’t try to fool me. I know you do have a hormonal problem but it’s not that big a problem that you would have to wear a 34C Bra. Tell me honestly.”

Buddhi-Maan realizes that he is in big trouble so he applies his 6 Th sense to call his GuruJi who also happens to be his costume designer.

 In the mean time his wife packs her bag and leaves the house. Buddhi-Maan is running after her, “Wife, go wherever, you are a free bird but give me my Bra back”.  His disgusted wife throws his Bra on his face and informs, “Keep your damn Bra. Soon you would be getting the divorce papers too.

“Dhang!!! Dhang!!! Dhang!!!

“Balaji Telefilms”

Next Episode:-

Snig and Sanju are the villains of this story; they come to know that “Buddhi-Maan’s wife has left him. So they decide to milk this opportunity by kidnapping his wife for ransom.

Dhang!!! Dhang!!! Dhang!!!

“Balaji Tele Films”

Next Episode:-

The kidnapped wife continuous to scream, “Buddhi-Maan” (by the way she does not know Buddhi-Maan’s real identity) never the less she keeps screaming.

Buddhi-Maan gets to hear his wife’s call (true love effect) and he wears his Bra and Whoosh!!!!Buddhi-Maan appears in Dhoti Chaddi and Bra.

He flies horizontally in the sky (back ground music follows:-Buddhi-Maan Buddhi-Maan Buddhi-Maan, ye hai……Buddhi-Maan) and he lands vertically on the ground.

Snig and Sanju were already waiting for him.

Snig and Sanju are from the Waxing Gang. Snig’s weapon is the waxing strip and Sanju’s weapon is the Waxing knife, that’s how they kill people.  

Snig is ready with the Strip and Sanju is ready with the knife full of hot wax.  

Dhang!!! Dhang!!!Dhang!!!

“Balaji Telefilms”

Final Episode (well that’s what the people are thinking):-

Buddhi-Maan raises his hand to start flying again and that very moment Sanju with lightening speed applies the wax on “Buddhi-Maan’s” raised arm and Snig immediately waxes his arm with her strip. “Buddhi-Maan’s” worst fear of getting waxed comes true and he is waxed by the Waxing Gang girls. He faints.

Dhang!!! Dhang!!! Dhang!!!

“Balaji Tele films”

Next Episode:-

“Buddhi-Maan’s wife is all panicky seeing all this and she faints too. But she also was a super hero which she (and the viewers) did not know so she gets to hear an “akashwani” which enlightens her…

And the story continues…with humshakal, plastic surgeries, many marriages, illegitimate children…but lets not talk about all that…the TRP’s have already fallen down…

Disclaimer: – All characters are fictitious. Any resemblance with living or dead is purely incidental.

Surprised !!!

Shorbani was touched today.  Surprises and thoughtful gestures have always been her domain which she did thinking that one day someone would surprise her. But that surprise was never given.  Today she was pleasantly surprised.  She was touched more than she was surprised. She feels loved and cared for.  She wants to come running to Parvez, and stand still there …for sometime.

America Born Confused Desi

American Born Confused Desi… 

Don’t really know if he was the one but hearing his accent I can safely say that may be he could be one of those call centre executives. 

All he wanted to buy was a bar of chocolate which was such  a big task.

He started with one, then decided that may be 2 would be better. Then he got confused with the flavors. “Should I go for Crackle, Dairy Milk or Fruit and Nut?”

By the way this guy was continuously calling my favorite chocolate “Fruit and Nut” as “Fruity Nut” and that is one more reason why he is the chosen bakra for my post for the day.

By the time he made his decision after numerous fumblings with chocolates, and reached to a conclusion of buying “Dairy Milk” and “Fruit and Nut”, I could see the girl at the counter was completely pissed off.  

Smiling she asked, “Sir do you want a cover?”

And our ABCD, giggles and says, “Yeah! I don’t mind.” 

And they say, only girls remain confused… 

The Good and The Bad

Had been thinking about this for long but today seems to be the chosen day when I write about this.

Before I start,  let me make myself very clear that this post is in no way to be considered another method of humiliating the subjects of the one time humble farmer (read Bangaloreans).

Its about the Auto menace that is so rampant in  almost every part of India except Mumbai.

My friend, Slogan Murugan calls this breed “Auto Rakshasa” 

I used to think, Delhi auto walas are the worst of the lot but after coming to Bangalore I realized that here you get baap of all the Delhi auto walas. At least in Delhi they usually would not say no, and are open to negotiation. But here in Bangalore you can expect few standard responses. The standard responses are listed below in the order of frequency, which I have come across:- 

“Bhaiyya, Vittal Mallya Road” 

Response number 1, “Huh!!!” and goes away with a look, “why did you even stop me you moron?” 

Response number 2, “Huh!!!”, and goes away, with a look, “Where on earth is that?” 

Response number 3, “Huh!!!” and goes away with a look, “Wherever that place is, I am not going there anyway because auto driving is my hobby and not profession.” 

Response number 4, “Huh!!!” and goes away with a look, “Fuck Off, don’t waste my time”  

Response number 5, They would give you a look and drive away without listening forget about stopping. 

Response number 6,  They would ask you for direction of the place and you give them the direction as if you are reading it out from Google Earth and after 5 minutes of understanding and comprehending the words that came out of your mouth they would think and tickle their brain and would say “No” and drive away. 

Response number 7, Same as above however, you have to cross the lane in the midst of maddening traffic to reach to the opposite lane because the auto wala wont come to your side of the road then you repeat Response number 6 and again come back to your side of the lane in the midst of traffic. The entire Response number 7 takes 10 minutes by your watch.   

Response number 8, “One and a half hota madam” 

“Bhaiyaa, one and a half kaise hota hai? Abhi to 9 bhi nahi baje hai” 

“No, madam, one and a half” 

Response number 9, “Double madam, waha se khali ana padta.” 

Response number 10, “Madam 10 rupees extra hota”

And the last one is a classic example of how these blood suckers can test your grit. 

“Bhaiyaa, Vasant Nagar” (mind you, you are at Comm. Street and Vasant Nagar is about 2-3 kms maximum) 

This man keeps going going going and you keep asking him where exactly he is taking you to, after few unanswered question, you get to hear that you are being taken to a place called “Vincent Garden” Why? Because that’s what he heard. 

Every morning I leave for work with a prayer that I should get an auto without much of a time waste. I start my conversation with “Vittal Mallaya Road, near Cubbon Park, Lavelle Road”

And by the time I ask the 10th auto, my volume is already on a descending order.  

The probability ratio is 1 is to 20. And my boss sitting in Australia thinks that I am kidding. 

Sanjukta and I have been so much effected with our auto hunt that our hands raise automatically the moment we see an auto. Empty or full does not really matter.  It’s a matter of reflex now for the 2 of us. 

My sincerest thanks to Slogan Murugan for teaching me some Kanada galis which I can now use for the auto walas each time they refuse me, “Ninn Amman” and “Ninn Akkan”  Which literally means Fuck your mother and fuck your sister. 

Another nasty plan that I had made was to buy the badminton shaped mosquito racket which is so readily available at the traffic signals. And I don’t need to tell you how do I plan to use it. With each “No” and “Spat!!!” I go electrocuting each one of them. 

Its not that I have not found anything in Bangalore which I can appreciate.

The good thing about Bangalore is the literacy rate that I have seen. The office boy also is computer literate.

I don’t get to hear the Jaat accent here unlike Delhi.

Life as a single woman is much more safe here. Its easy going and quiet.  

However, I can say one thing for a fact that few years down the line things are going to change and change for the worse. 

The city off course is over hyped and the auto wala needs to be held tightly by the noose. 

The people here are laid back and lack business sense and that’s why the major chunk of business has gone to the sindhis and the marwaris and the other so called North Indians. By the way, all other states other than the 4 down south are termed as North India here in Bangalore, another typicality of the place as if India is like a magnet with north and south pole.

When did Maharashtra and West Bengal become North India, I really need a refresher on my Geography.

Have seen subtle angst among the localites against the so called North Indians, have seen racism and xenophobia also.  

How, when, where, for that you will have to interact with me on a 121 level.  

As of now, I am still coming in terms with Bangalore and finding ways and means to like the city despite the Auto Raskshashas harassment.  

Wish me luck.