Auto Walla in Bangalore once shut me and Sanju up for being continuously giggling and chattering away as if there was no tomorrow. But that’s not what I want to write about today.
I kind of read my dog’s mind because I am a dog owner and I love dogs. May be I am psychic who knows.
We have 2 lab puppies. We have named them after the places where we fell in love.
The big one is Alleppey and the small one is Pondy.
Like all big sisters, Allepppey bullies Pondy the whole day. I call it “Survival techniques under constant threat”.
Constant threat of being pushed, shoved and bitten and becoming a victim of bullying to the extent that your male reproductive organs are bitten. Yes, you heard that right. Alleppy out of god knows what, would just bite my little baby Pondy’s tiny “manhood” .
Alleppey loves to slide. She would splash all the water from the feeding bowl and slide on it and come running to us. I can read her mind and it screams ‘WEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee….thudddd!!!!! At which point, Pondi who is other wise slow and a little dumb because of his age, is lightening fast, goes into a 360 degrees circle and runs for the nearest hiding spot like the cane sofa or behind the pots which once had plants. Those plants died a tragic death by becoming the puppy’s mid meal salad snack.
Pondi has mastered the art of both movements of planet Earth. He can rotate on his hind legs to run for cover and he revolves around pots and other tall tables to shit. I am convinced, he must have been a Geologist in his past life.
The day we got Alleppey home, she was made a witness to the act of human which God calls sin and when we were done with it, Alleppey sported a look of amusement on her face which read, “Are you guys done now? Can someone give some attention here? Why am I being made to go through all this?”
Pondi, on the other hand sported a “What the fuck?” look for a long time. He was this Geologist who later became a an angry saint or may be was straight out of “Catcher of the Rye”. All that he had to say to Alleppey amidst all her playfulness was, “Bitch, What the Fuck you think you doing to me? I have seen it all and have done it all.”
As a foodie, meal time is the favorite time for me, my husband and our dogs are also not an exception. Though their reactions vary.
“Its meal time.”
Pondi’s reaction, “What the fuck?”
Alleppey’s reaction, “Yippee! What do we have, what do we have, what do we have?”
Now that the WTF looks is gone. My boy is becoming more and more handsome day by day and my daughter, prettier.
In Feb, there was a wedding in the family which we could not avoid. Sanju was called to our rescue who willingly doggy sat for us for 3 days. I wrote an e-mail to her which will give an insight to our lives.
Hi Sanju the boss,
Here is the list of things that you need to keep in mind. Feel at home at Flat number 3, East Villa.
The small one, Pondi, has a fetish for dustbins. You would find him following you every where and when you can’t find him, please check the dustbin area of kitchen. He will be there for sure. If you still cant find him, then look under the table, cane sofa, below the cushions, even inside Alleppey’s mouth. If you still cant find him call out loud “PONDI” then wait for 3 seconds. Since Pondi is tiny, he will take a good amount of time to reach. Chances are Alleppey will come each time you call out “Pondi” If you still cant find him well, in that case call us.
7:30 A.M. to 8:00 A.M.:- That’s there Potty time. You can simply take both of them to the terrace and let them do IT. Alleppey can climb up and down the stairs in fact, she goes to shit on her own to the terrace. Pondi, needs to be carried every where. After they have done IT. Bring them down. MEDICINE:- Drawer number 3 near the Dining Table has medicines in it. Each one gets half tea spoon in the morning and evening. The dropper wala medicine is to be given 10 drops each to both. Morning and Evening.
CAUTION:- Alleppey will not let you feed medicine or food to Pondi so you might want to try shooing her away each time you have to do this Medicine task. Try putting Pondi on the dining table and then give him medicine. It works as Alleppey cant climb the table yet. Though make sure you don’t have any bottles on the table when you give medicine to Pondi as he will drop all the bottles on the table taking a 360 degrees turn clock wise and anti-clock wise.
FEED:- 1st Feed:- Once, you have given the medicine. You will have to wash the feeding bowls and make some Cerelac and mix bread and give both of them this wholesome breakfast. Give 3 slices to Alleppey and 1 slice to Pondi. When they eat you will have to stand there because Alelppey will not let Pondi eat. She will quickly gulp down all her food and feast on Pondi’s food also. At that time you will have to pick up Alleppey and put her back again on her bowl. This is a difficult task because she will keep coming back to Pondi’s bowl.
Once you are done make sure you slide the Kitchen door close because else Pond will hibernate there. There could be potty here and there in the room, you can try picking that up with toilet paper that we have got and then flush them down. Clean the area again with toilet paper with some Lyzol/ Phenyl/ Dettol. We have everything. When you are doing this chances are both the pets will be following you in and out of the bathroom, please don’t scream at them because it does not work. Rather keep an eye on the small one as he has a fetish for batch room drains also.
In the evening 2nd Feed:- Once you are back from work, you will be licked, bitten by both of them and that is when you will have to play with them. Give them the same dose of medicine, repeating the same exercise.
You might want to feed them again at 9 p.m. but that will leave you 6 places to clean off the poop that they will leave for you the next morning. If you are game, go ahead feed them else let them starve. I usually feed them though, after all its the mother’s heart.
When you sleep put them to sleep in the same room. You can sleep in our bedroom else Alleppey will play with all the Gods in the mandir area where you usually sleep. I will put a clean sheet for you.
When you go to the loo, please put the light on else you might just step/ Slip on piss or potty you would not know.
When you leave the bathroom make sure there is no one inside because chances are there will be someone who must have followed you inside when you went to pee in all your grogginess.
I hope you have a good time with the monsters and I hope you will not change your feeling for them after 3 days of baby sitting.
In the end, Bhagwan aap jaisa dost sab ko de.
Life surely has changed after all this.
Me and Vinayak miss our Darjeeling cups at Infinitea, we miss late nights and the weekend trips. We stress out on the amount of potty and susu we have to clean everyday. We have scratch marks on our arms and well, Vinayak does not mind biting the puppies once in a while to feel one among them.
Our neighbors are startled at the thought that we might be werewolves because of the howling that the 4 of us do to feel like a family almost every evening.
Good part is we will lose weight in the process of running around and behind them and we still can commit the Sin in the same room , our puppies have become smarter. They don’t disturb us in our moments of privacy because we don’t appreciate it and they know is very well. Someone told me once, labs are very intelligent…how true.
I am waiting for the day when life would no longer be potty and susu stained. Looking forward to the day when the 4 of us go out for a long drive together like 1 big happy family.