Monthly Archives: September 2008

In Transit

We are a confused lot. Still in transit from the days of independence till post modern, neo-liberal, globalised, rising economy.  In the cacophony of so many things happening at the same time, we don’t know nor can we make up our minds for what do we want.

 

We look for authentic Chinese and then pour bottles of soy sauce to make it apt for our palette. We love to be sexually liberated but still keep fighting for “bharatiya sanskriti” and convince people not to kiss in public though fighting in public and showing violence is acceptable.  On asking they would probably say, “Kamasutra  was a written by someone else but not Indians. Ismein padosi mulk ka haath hai.”

 

You will see Valentine goodies everywhere which means it is legal to buy those but you also get thrashed by the police for holding hands in public on Valentines day and cases go unreported. After all that one tight slap must have made you all the more confused.

 

We have ultra chic hot babe who was the catch of the University for the minis she wore, suddenly after marriage becomes a woman shrouded in mystery for now, she is covered head to toe in a 9 yard sari, running after kids, screaming in English, “Baby come here, eat your cereal.”

 

House wives who were a complete “behenji” at one point of time, suddenly become this mall hopping, brand ambassadors of Mc. Donald’s after their rich techie husbands buy them houses in Gurgaon.

 

We are a confused lot because we truly believe in modern, independent working women and how sad these Balaji Tele serials are but in the evening the husband still expects the wife to cook Roti Daal, and the wife still wants the man to be the bread winner of the family. The day ends the way it has been ending for years; a dinner in front of TV with Balaji serials running.

 

Our government also is confused. For many years they objected to industrialization which they now want and then we have industries too which are later made to shut down because there is another party protesting against it, “Why industry? Our farmers are happy tilling the land and growing bananas out of it.”

 

We covert because there is caste based discrimination in one religion and later we come back saying we need the freebies because we are dalit Muslims and dalit Christians.

 

We crib because the administration sucks, the government is going all capitalist but seldom take an active role to bring any change. We hate America and capitalism yet we welcomed Bill Clinton, the tourist, as if he was God. Then we say, “Atithi Devo Bhava” and then we go rape and kill a Scarlett Keeling. We also have the audacity to say, “Uski maa kharab thi. Akhir maa baap hi to sanskar dete hai apne bachho ko” then we go about covering Dr.Talwar’s entire story hell bent upon proving him guilty of his daughter’s murder.

 

We all want to be famous and we have reality shows and once we are famous we want holiday homes in isolated islands to look for peace destroying the ecology of the island while we build our vacation home. Then we complain about global warming and blame others and also complain about the water shortage that poor people are facing while we keep the tap running as we talk on the phone.

 

We think and re-think and keep thinking about why Mrs. Sharma’s daughter had a divorce, after all hers was a love marriage and then we scream at our daughter-in-laws and expect her to show some “bharatiya sanskriti” by washing clothes for us and cooking 7 course meal.

 

We shun porn but would love to touch those breasts of that young girl in a crowded bus.

 

We take pride in our rich culture yet don’t blink when we misbehave with women in pubs and flights. We want dancing to be banned because that  incites hooliganism but drinking is allowed till middle of the night.

 

We condemn the Iraq war and Saddam was a friend and then we say, “People of India loves Bush.”

 

We say, “Tata please come to our land if they don’t want you.” Then we say,  “North Indians Go Back.”

 

The English came and saw that we fight a lot and cashed on the opportunity , later we became one and dragged them out but we have not stopped fighting since then.

 

We are a confused lot, still in transit.

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Tripped over Lighttripper and Fell Head over Heels.

 

People talk about soul mates. I also talked about soul mates once and concluded there is nothing like “Soulmates”. I also concluded, husbands are nothing but pain in your rear just like piles. I and Sanju even declared that all men are assholes, your only solace is that the good ones don’t give you constipation.  But they all turned out to be utter non sense when I met my soul mate at the oddest of places.

My life has been very filmy. As I very frequently say, “life is like an Ekta Kapoor serial with all its twists and turns.” My life also has been like one of those stories where every dead end had more twists than turns.

The entire event behind coming to Bangalore is so filmy along with the “event” itself. We met at Barcamp and after that never stopped meeting. 15 days of eating out followed by falling in love, next 15 days culminated into a secret wedding in the Himalayas and within 90 days we officially became husband and wife in a private and cosy (official) wedding ceremony where our friends played the DJ and photographers. 

The bar campers know us as “The Bar Camp” couple and Vinayak even flaunted a tag “I met my wife in Bar Camp collective” through out the 1st day of Bar Camp 5 at IIM Bangalore. 🙂

 

I really dont know the definition of a soul mate but I feel he is that one person with whom I would want to share my entire life and still would want more.  A man who is a friend more than anything else.

His is funny, sometimes extremely funny with most captivating smile with a chuckle of a child. We both love to eat, travel, talk, laze, read, explore, know. We both love animals, energy, sunshine, moonlight, romance, colours, art, films, family, home, sea, breeze, storm, thunder, mountains, trees, trails, woods and dreams.

We both love historical ruins, abandoned buildings, ghost stories, old cottage and picket fences, french windows and fire place and we both hate loud people and being taken for a ride.

 

I love playing pranks and he hates me for it though succumbs to my insistence most of the time.  The great experimantal cook of my kitchen, a fantastic “chai” maker. He is one of the few people who loves Britania Cream crackers and high fibre biscuits. He is so much like my dad, he even smells like my dad.

His love for quizzing got him into an active quzzing circuit. College life pocket money was earned by  RJ’ing for Times FM’s Campus Beat. Later wrote articles for Economic times, Telegraph and Statesman. Now an engineer and a photographer. Son of a very caring mother and an economist father. A loving husband, a crazy lover, a funny friend and a caring parent to our two labradors, may I present to you, the love of my life Vinayak Das, up, close and personal.

Pleasant Surprise and an unplesant experience

I was pleasantly surprised today when I went to SBI bank to enquire about account opening. I’ve got a new maid and thought it would be a good idea to have her account opened in a bank where she can keep her salary. Since Sanju is already an account holder in SBI we decided to go there and enquire. We went to the St. Mark’s road SBI branch and met the Branch head who greeted us very courteously and also offered us coffee. We were given a form with all the information. This came as a surprise to both of us as customer service is not something that the public sector is known for.

 

Our pleasant surprise was doubled when we went to a BSNL office on St. Mark’s road and were greeted by the courteuos staff.

 

That’s when I decided that I need to blog about the improving attitude of our government agencies. I also wanted to talk about the SBI phone banking service which is by far the best out of all the Citi bank, ICICI bank customer service.

Talking of ICICI bank reminds me of a recent bad experience that I had. One fine day I received an unsolicited call from an ICICI bank tele marketing office offering me balance transfer service. I agreed and told her that my address has changed so the draft needs to delivered at the right address. The agent told me that she would get back to me as typically it would take 48 days for a new address to get a draft from ICICI. After few minutes a supervisor calls me to confirm that the draft will be delivered to my new address. After 10 days of not receiving anything from the bank I called up the phone banking only to hear that the draft was sent to my old address and must be with the courier company. So I called up the courier company who confirmed that the draft went undelivered and has been sent to Mumbai. I called up the ICICI phone banking again for the cancellation of the draft. Instead of cancelling it the guy told me that the draft has been resent and when it will be undelivered again then only they will cancel it. Furious I write an e-mail to the ICICI customer service for a cancellation. In the meantime now the draft reaches me in their 2nd attempt and I e-mail them again for a non-cancellation since the draft has finally reached me and guess what?  I get an e-mail back saying that they have already cancelled it. So when I needed a draft they send it to a wrong address when I ask them to cancel it they re-send it and when I receive it they cancel it. I have decided to deduct the cheque bounce charges charged by SBI from the ICICI due. Anyway… that was a long story…

 

Also would want to thank the police force for the thankless job that they do without which the cities would be in total anarchy. As it happened one day when signals were not working and there was no traffic cop to manage the traffic which led to a jam of 2 and a half hours. Just imagine a day when the police goes on a strike.

 

Back to work now.

Finally we are immortal

 

I am every where. Like any other internet user, I am on Facebook, Orkut, Ibibo and similar other social networking sites. I am on Picassa and I am on Flickr. I have my IDs on Yahoo, Rediff, G-mail etc. I am also a member of many on-line groups and forums who would diligently keep sending me newsletters, half of which goes in to the spam folder. In short I am every where except for those matrimony sites. But what if one day I die?

 

When I die, my tangible, physical body will be taken away and cremated. My belongings donated or thrown away. But every thing intangible will remain there forever like memories and on-line presence is like one of those places where I will never be able to die. I think we have all been immortalised by the internet.

 

Google will still show search results with my name. My Orkut will have unwanted friendship requests and crappy scraps, my G-mail will still get newsletters of an upcoming holiday package for couples, the spam folder will keep getting messages on how to increase your penis size and rule the bed (arrghh!!)

People will still keep coming on this blog and perhaps leave comments and ask why have I stopped writing or don’t come on line? But no one except for friends and family would know that I am dead.

 

Which means that the internet has actually made us immortal and if not,  then for how long will my G-Mail and Orkut would keep getting messages after messages?

Kakan died and morons keep coming to her Orkut and ask silly questions like, “Long time no see” and this happens even after when we have left messages about her death so that people would not scarp her any more but looks like we have too many over enthusiastic people out there.

 

This post is not written in an attempt to glorify death, NO WAY. But I was just wondering what happens to our on-line presence when we are gone because there is no one who would know our pass words to delete all our accounts. I think like memories which fade away with time but never disappear, our on-line presence will also fade away with inactivity but will always be there.

 

What do you think?

Speak No More

It is so surprising to know that language was invented and had evolved for humans to communicate better and use language as a bridge to connect to more people. Today language is one of the biggest political lottery everyone is trying to win and it is being used simply to convey just one message, “Stay Away.”

 

“No Hindi” is a sign of love for your own culture and region. If you dare speak in Hindi you will be asked to go back. And by the way someone tell that old man to stop hoisting his pom pom every now and then.

 

As an Indian I will speak whatever language I want to and wherever I want to. I don’t know why did Jaya even apologize. All she said was, “People of Maharashtra, please excuse me. I am from Uttar Pradesh so I will speak in Hindi.” What is so wrong if someone wants to talk in Hindi or any other language? Why this dadagiri?

 

Now the old man will again wave his pom pom and demand all Hindi films should have Marathi subtitles and dubbing in Marathi. They should only have Marathi people working in Hindi films, speaking Marathi dialogues.

 

Now that Babri Masjid is not an agenda anymore so the old man wants some thing which will keep him in the headlines so that people don’t forget the old man and his sons don’t send him to an old age home.

 

I once heard “Every pack has a joker” but now the state we are in, I think one should say, “Every party has a moron”

 

Here is some more NEWS.

http://www.ndtv.com/convergence/ndtv/story.aspx?id=NEWEN20080064633

I have been Tagged

OK I have been tagged. I have been tagged for the first time in all my blogging life of 3 years. And the blogger who tagged me did not even give me her blog link. It was only the common friend Sanjukta who was kind enough to share the link with me and that is how I came to know about this tagging business.

 

Seema has asked me to write about 5 quotes from the books I have read. So Seema here are the 5 quotes from the books I have read:-

1. The Earth is round.  2nd Standard Geography Text Book

2. Democracy is by the people, for the people and from the people. 5th Standard Civics Text Book.

3. The square of the hypotenuse of a right triangle is equal to the sum of the squares on the other two sides. Pythogorus Theorem, 9th Standard Maths Text Book.

4. 1 calorie is the amount of heat required to raise the temperature of water by 1 degree centrigrade. Physics text book of 9th Standard.

5. Humans have 206 bones. 5th Standard Biology Text Book.

Thats all I could think of. 😛 sorry you did not specify text books not allowed.